1. There’s a reason schools teach Shakespeare instead of John Green; you make your own life, it’s not written in the stars, waiting to start until you find that person with the perfect smile.
2. People are a hell of a lot smart than you think. Shut your mouth, stop thinking you know everything, and listen.
3. Getting close and being vulnerable is scary as hell, But you know what else it is? Worth it.
4. Reason really is the doctor to love.
5. The moment you feel your happiness being dictated by another person, take a break from them.
6. Take a step back and look around, you have more friends than you think.
7. Growing up is going to happen and it’s going to be tough. Just stay close to those around you, you’re all in it together.
8. If you’re still checking their Facebook/Instagram/tumblr, you’re never going to get over them.
9. Everything seems worse in the morning. Don’t fall for it, it’s deceiving.
10. No need to be so intense all the time. People get tired of swimming in the deep end, sometimes they need a break in the shallow part of the pool.
11. Stop avoiding everything. Get out of bed, get dressed, go to school, go to work. It sucks at first but it’s part of the healing process.
12. If the person makes you feel like shit and you still go back to them, it’s an abusive relationship.
13. Headphones are great, but listen to music aloud every once in a while. Sometimes you need to scream a song so everyone can hear you.
14. Boundaries are a must.
15. You can be a caring person, but you need to be happy with yourself before you try to make others happy.
16. Try and understand other’s intentions and situation before you get angry with them.
17. Tough love is necessary sometimes.
18. You can’t fix people no matter how hard you try. Get this engrained in your mind.
19. Surround yourself with people who will love and support you.
20. Loneliness is lethal and makes you have a distorted view of things.
21. No one hates you more than you hate yourself. Stop being your own enemy.
22. Someone can only hurt your feelings if you allow them to.
23. Getting your shit back in order is five times as hard as it is to mess it all up.
24. Listen to your parent’s advice.
25. Be open to anything and everything. Life isn’t fun when you’re a closed book.
26. Talking about your problems is great, but there comes a point when talking about it becomes dwelling on the past and it drains everyone around you. Know when you’ve hit this point.
27. A lot of people don’t like their shit showing. More people than you know are going through hard times.
28. Distract yourself.
29. Don’t be so easily swayed, a lot of claims out there are not true.30. Some seasons of your life are harder than others. This too shall pass.
2 months into the new year. 4 months single. And I’m happy.
I cried. I vented. I felt worthless. I felt ugly. I felt betrayed. I felt hurt. I felt weak. I felt pathetic. I felt unworthy. I didn’t eat, and I didn’t sleep. I’ve listened to a lot of Sara Bareilles. I’ve read countless blogs on breaking up and rebuilding yourself. I’ve read many quotes on the subject. I’ve added quite a few (more like several) tracks to my breakup playlist on Spotify. I’ve been spending more time with my family and close friends, and I’m trying to invest myself more in these relationships. I’ve been putting in an extra hour of work each day, and I’m starting to brainstorm my options for what’s coming up after this contract is over. I’m looking to move either more west or more south. I’ve committed to training to a full marathon which is 2 months away, and I’m $150 away from meeting my fundraising goal towards cancer research and patient services. I’m eating smarter. I’m tapping into my beer hobby again, and I’m looking forward to diving into homebrewing once I have the space to do so. I’m getting better at TRX and DUT at the gym (and I’m seeing more muscle definition). I’m thinking about adopting a dog. I’ve signed up for 2 Disney half marathons in 2014, one in August in Anaheim, and the other in November at Walt Disney World in Florida. I’ve started talking to other guys again, but I’m not going out of my way to date any of them at the moment.
I have a lot going on right now post-breakup, and life isn’t slowing down.
I’ve gotten better at controlling my thoughts and trips down memory lane. I can honestly say that I don’t miss him anymore. I just miss the thought of having someone to wake up next to, the feel of a warm embrace, hands intertwined, a soft whisper, a tender kiss, the tickle fights, learning to trust someone as you unravel yourself with that person, the butterflies you get when you see that person, just being drunk off of all the strong feelings that come with being in a relationship with someone.
I’ve realized that while we did have strong feelings for each other, we rushed into things way too quickly. It was crazy and irrational, but felt amazing at the time it was happening. But we didn’t have a strong foundation to build a solid relationship off of, and that’s why when the storm came, it knocked us down before I was ready to give it up. That, and we’re on two completely different phases in life. Knowing that he committed to someone else right away tells me, now, that he’s not focused. I need (and want) to be with someone who is more stable, someone who is put together, doesn’t have to be ready to “settle down” per se, but at least someone who has his shit together.
He may have picked someone younger, more spunky and sassy, and more athletically fit than me. But that doesn’t make me a worthless person. I’m worthy of someone special, and that someone is not him anymore.
A few weeks ago, my mom told me, that you can be in love with a person so much, but you’ve got to love yourself first. These past few months, I’ve reconnected with the different things that make me happy, and I’ve become even stronger than ever. More importantly, I’ve reconnected with myself. I am happy with the person I’m growing up to be, and I’m saving the best version of myself for the right time and right person when they come along in my life. Though it would be nice to have someone to complement me, I don’t need someone else to make me happy.
I’ve learned and realized that an amazing relationship with someone doesn’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) rushed. I know better now that great things come with time. It’s a sprint, and not a marathon, right?
I’m in a different place than I was a few months ago, and I’m happy.
I can’t wait to see how things unfold for the rest of the year.