I have many words and thoughts that could describe this trip; however, I can’t seem to out them in...
Thank you so much for your kind words. I really needed to hear this right now. :’)
Even the strongest individuals have their weak moments.
This goes to show how dependent today’s society is on social media.
I found out today that he deleted me from Facebook, and I feel so pathetic for feeling so butt hurt over it. It’s a slap to the face from reality. It’s a strong statement that tells me, “I can’t be a part of your life anymore.” This is his way of saying that he’s moving on with his life, and I really need to move on with mine. He’s not letting me be by his side while he pursues his dream to become a doctor, so it’s time for me to let go and move on.
And so I cried to my mom on the phone driving home from the gym tonight.
God, this month has been SO hard.
One more cry tonight, Kristine. It’s okay. You’ll get through this. Not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but you are strong enough to get through this.
Like everyone’s said, you are surrounded by people who love you. Life doesn’t have to be miserable when a relationship ends.
You just need to have faith that there is something better on its way.
…knowing why we’re not together anymore and truly accepting and understanding it completely. In a way, he’s protecting me by doing this, and in return, I am letting him go. I am constantly repeating this to myself in my head. It’s like that saying, “If you love something, let it go…”
…not wanting to curse the motorcycle in my apartment complex anymore. Not too long ago, it made me so sad seeing that motorcycle thinking that his motorcycle won’t be parked outside my place anymore. The sight of a motorcycle still reminds me of my ex-boyfriend, but it doesn’t make me want to crawl up and cry anymore.
…throwing away the birthday flowers, cleaning out the vase and putting it under the sink.
…knowing and not feeling sad anymore over the fact that there is no passenger who will intertwine his hand in mine as I rest my right arm on the middle armrest while I’m driving around.
…keeping his Super Mario pajama pants, the two teddy bears he gave me, the birthday card that came with the birthday flowers, and a picture of us from our visit to the Natural History Museum in a bag tucked away in my closet.
…no longer having the urge to text him to tell him little things that happen throughout my day or just to send sweet encouraging messages for his day.
…driving past the places we’d frequent in my area with no negative feelings despite the fact that I’ll be going to these regular places alone now.
learning how to adjusting back to waking up alone and making breakfast for one on the weekends. It helps that I’ve got my early, long runs with TNT on Saturdays. No more sleeping in with cuddles and tickle fights and Eskimo kisses.
…no longer having the urge to cry as memories flashback frequently, especially when I look at random pictures every now and then. Lately, I’ve been thinking about how amazing things were when we first met, and now it just makes me smile. It’s like that saying, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
…crazily deciding on training for a full marathon to get over my ex-boyfriend.
I admit that I have my lonely moments from time to time, but trust me, I’m doing much better.
(from my MFP blog)
It’s been a month since G and I broke up.
Sidenote: G was my first relationship, let alone first adult relationship. This is probably why I’ve been taking this breakup extremely hard.
- I didn’t eat or sleep well for the first couple of days. At the time, there were sick germs everywhere, so of course with a weak immune system due to lack of sleep and nutrition, I got really sick.
- I cried. And cried. And cried some more. I never knew how exhausting crying can be. I’m not crying anymore though. Which is good. Though trips down memory lane still make me sad.. at least the trips aren’t as frequent when I’m busy with other things.
- I am allowing myself to feel every feeling I have thoroughly. I’ve read blogs and forums here and there about coping with breakups (as sad as it is to admit), and I’m accepting the fact that what I’m going through is normal. The fact that this is so hard for me probably means that he meant something to me. He really did.
- I am also reading more blogs written by ex-med students, current med students, med student significant others, etc., to fully understand what G may be going through and will go through. It’s making me realize that while we did click amazingly well, now is just a bad time for both of us. We are both in different phases of life. I’m also realizing that maybe it’s not in my cards to play the “premed/med student significant other” role right now. In dating G, I learned that quality alone time as a couple is extremely important to me. As he gets deeper in his education, there will be less and less free time, and I’m realizing now that I probably wouldn’t have handled that well no matter how many times I’ll say I’m okay with it. This is my time to live my life to its fullest and discover myself before seriously committing to someone right now.
- I took a personal day off the day after the breakup. Right away, I decided that in this whole “grieving” process, I wanted to work on improving myself, not destroying myself. It was then I decided to get back on track with my fitness goals, but not just for myself. I decided to commit to Team-in-Training with the intentions of meeting new people and devoting my time and energy to an amazing cause.
- When I was with G, I didn’t pay too much attention to what I ate, and exercise became a lower priority. Since we broke up, I’ve been running(+walking) 3x a week, and I’m getting adjusted to 3 cross training days. I’m hoping DUT, PiYo, and Cycling classes at UFC Corona will help with cross training. I’ve also been paying more attention to tracking my food intake. Never thought I’d be one to drink protein shakes! mmm protein.
- I have no desire to get back in the dating scene anytime soon. Just don’t have the energy right now. I disabled my OKC account.
- I weighed myself this morning, and I’ve lost about 5lbs this month alone (in a healthy way). My weight loss is back on track. I’m proud of that considering Thanksgiving wasn’t too long ago.
- I’m sleeping like a baby, and I’m having trouble waking up on time haha. I’m getting enough sleep these days, so this is a good thing.
- I’m already at 35% of my fundraising goal for TNT, and it’s only been a month.
- I’m seriously considering committing to the SLO full marathon instead of the half as I originally planned. I keep thinking to myself if I can handle the pain of a first breakup, I can probably handle the pain and mental battles that are associated with attempting 26.2 miles